Love does not conquer all.

It has been a while since I put fingers to keypad, primarily because I have not developed a frustration ferocious enough to voice my thoughts freely.  I often get annoyed by the ugly side of human nature that I witness daily. Good hearted people being taken advantage of simply because they care too much to say NO. People that do not fit that picture perfect image, (which the media sells to all as the only acceptable ideal) being taunted and degraded for their own unique style. These are disheartening sins but lessened when I listened to my friends’ tales of romance gone bad. Of late, I have met two men who have had their notion of themselves crush by another, and then cast as the villain by the rest of us. Their sin – a marriage that did not last ‘til death do us part’. These are good people who have much to offer the world, but because we have, as a society, maligned and discarded as failures, these gents are struggling with their own value. While we pay lip-service to the notion of equality, we are not so good at putting it into practise. 

We are raised to believe in a rather odd concept called ‘love’, which relies deeply on others to fulfil us as a person. Many of us spend our life looking for that one special person to share our dreams and hopes. Some of us are lucky enough to find them and live the ‘happy ever after’ tale. The other side of this dream is the heartache of being hurt and betrayed by the one we trusted the most, (for my friends, their children being used as hostages compounded their anguish) then society prattling on, as we all know that it is the man’s fault. How does one come back from ultimate treachery?

I found myself questioning the validity of our so called ‘equality’, and the total injustice visited upon those amongst us (guys and gals) that are made to feel inoperable. Therefore, the need to voice my views and hopefully, right some very outdated perceptions, has me corralling my thoughts within these lines.

My heart breaks as I watch these men try to carve out a new life for themselves. The fault is not with these men, but rather in the way we are reared. We are taught, from birth, that it is only from the love of another that we can be complete. Love will conquer all! As a result when a relationship bombs, it turns us into a failure. We are left shattered and without hope, a mere shell of who we should and could be!

If we do not seek out ‘love’ we are ridiculed, looked at as peculiar, different and to be evaded. If we take that plunge and it fails, we are scorned, looked at as abnormal, not the same and to be shunned. It is worst for the male of the species, simply because we will jump to the defence of the ‘poor woman’, not even bothering to seek out the truth. Yes, women suffer the same fate, but we do receive far more support, empathy and acceptance.

So far as I can see, the answer to this problem is rather simple. We only need to change the way we teach our young. Yes, love is delightful and if you find that special someone, wonderful! Love does not conquer all. An acceptance in yourself and knowing your real worth, will. To find ‘true’ happiness in life, one must realise that it only takes ‘you’ to be happy, for true happiness lives within you and should never come from others.

When you put your faith in others for the idyllic you, one risks missing out on all the superb things you have to offer. You take from the world the uniqueness that makes you special. You are deprived of that distinctive reserve that will allow you to survive the worst that life will fling your way. When you put your faith in another for your life to have meaning, you emasculate your very essence, and risk losing all you are.

Love is wonderful but before you seek out ‘the one’ ensure that you are happy, truly happy with the person that you are!